{"id":1,"date":"2020-07-17T11:42:00","date_gmt":"2020-07-17T11:42:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/audiosalvageproject.online\/main\/?p=1"},"modified":"2022-06-03T14:48:30","modified_gmt":"2022-06-03T14:48:30","slug":"hello-world","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/audiosalvageproject.online\/main\/2020\/07\/17\/hello-world\/","title":{"rendered":"Life In Quarantine – The Bullshit Continues"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Today is day 7 for Sharon in the hospital. As far as updates go\u2026 I’m not sure exactly how to go about this. Should I do the “good” first\u2026 the “bad”\u2026 I don’t like to “doom & gloom” the shit outta y’all. But on the other hand\u2026I don’t want to paint a rosy picture that doesn’t exist, either. Okay\u2026 let’s start with the “bad” and see where this takes us, okay?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Bad: They tried to wean her off the oxygen yesterday. She promptly tanked. Today they went back to her (rather high) O2 levels and she did better. She still occasionally spikes a fever. The chest x-rays show no significant improvement to her lungs\u2026 they’re still 75% filled with fluid (roughly). She still cannot lay back even in the least\u2026 she starts gasping for air if she isn’t sitting at a full upright position. She may be coming home with an oxygen tank, and this may, very well, be the “New Normal” for her. But then, we’re not sure of this yet. What we do know is that any form of recovery, even partial\u2026 is going to be a very long road.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Good: She’s not getting any worse at the moment. She’s in relatively good spirits, all things considered. She likes the food, there. Then again\u2026 so do I. Their meatloaf is incredible.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Questionable: We know that we’re dealing with heart failure, sepsis, pneumonia and other issues. She has tested “negative” for COVID. However\u2026 my next question to the doctor is: People are testing false negative all the time. The test relies heavily upon the presence of antibodies in the bloodstream. But people with immuno-compromised systems don’t produce enough antibodies\u2026 so, the symptomology matches COVID\u2026 but she’s testing negative\u2026 and it’s occurred to me that the tests are shit to begin with. I pray to God I’m in error. I probably am, right?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Considering what she’s going through\u2026 I now don’t feel like I have the right to complain about anything. I feel guilty bitching about my diabetes being out of control, or the aches and pains I go through\u2026 or that I’m feeling a little sick with a low-grade fever of 99.8. It matters. But it really doesn’t matter, does it? Petty shit compared to a woman I love gasping for air in a hospital with COVID patients literally one floor above her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Isolation. Well\u2026 it was fine with me as long as it was with her. Right now, it seems unbearable. I’m about ready to pound my head against a wall. I even miss our bickering. There are a thousand things that run through my mind every minute\u2026 but mostly I remember our last fight and what a fucking asshole I was\u2026 and how sorry I am\u2026 and she knows that, too\u2026 because I tell her frequently. It’s not like we’re not okay\u2026 we’re good\u2026 but this is a reminder to myself that you should always value people enough to not say things you might not have the chance to take back. I was lucky this time. And I don’t deserve her, by the way. She’s always been too good for the likes of me. Let’s get that straight, right now. Up until my 40’s, I think\u2026 I went through life blissfully unaware of how my actions effected others\u2026not purposely trying to do anybody any harm, but nevertheless, sometimes leaving a damage path that required an army to clear and rebuild. I’m not proud of that at all. The things you realize when you sit in a trailer all by yourself under quarantine\u2026 recognizing that this very likely could have been your life on a permanent basis if someone didn’t come along to love you, in spite of the fact that you’re an asshole.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I’m done talking tonight.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Today is day 7 for Sharon in the hospital. 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